Ode to a Fantasy Novel

I am the…
Chosen One/Savior/Dragon-Rider/Elijah Wood
And I live in a mystical land where…
Magic/Wizards/Dragons/Common Decency & Integrity
Haven’t been seen for hundreds of years

Currently I am a simple…
Farmer/Princess/Peasant/Hollywood Actor
But soon I will learn of my destiny to defeat the…
Dark Lord/ (huh…)
Who threatens to destroy the whole world

At first I will be…
Fearful/Hesitant/Defiant/Nervous about working with Peter Jackson
But soon a wise and mighty…
Wizard/Druid/Old Man/Mom
Will convince me to pursue my destiny

I will set out for my…
Journey/Quest/Adventure/Audition
With only my…
Best Friend/Lovable but fierce pet/Crazy uncle/Inhaler
By my side

But soon I will be joined by a…
Dwarf/Wanderer/Elf/”Fellowship”
Then we will face many perils, like the deadly…
Wraiths/Trolls/Gnomes/Critics
But most of us will make it out alive

One character will seem to die, but he will…
Come back stronger in the second book/Come back evil in the second book/Be reincarnated in the second book/Stay dead…dude, Rick, the camera guy, had a heart attack… that’s not funny, he died…
Eventually I will…
Return magic to the world/Defeat the Dark Lord/Turn into a zombie, ushering in the zombie apocalypse/Become a real celebrity
But it will take no less than three incredibly long books to do so.